Why I Want My Kids To Fail

First, let me say for the record, that I do NOT want my kids to be failures.  Quite the opposite- I want them to be successful as much as possible in life...which, in my opinion, requires that they fail at least some of the time.

Here’s the thing: we are raising our kids in a society where they are rewarded for just showing up; where the expectation is not that they work hard, but that they are simply present.  We give trophies for just being on a sports team, regardless of their skill improvement; we incentivize kids to come to school by giving them prizes, regardless of their performance; we defend our kids and rescue them when they fail, removing any assignment of responsibility or value of meaningful consequences.  

Photo credit: Mmoyer

What do they learn from this?  That they are entitled to success and to win, and that somehow they deserve it.

I’m all for positive reinforcement, but I also see the danger of replacing the intrinsic rewards of intentionally setting, working towards, and achieving challenging goals with the idea that it is good enough just to be there.  Our professional jobs don’t work that way; our relationships don’t work that way; life does not work that way.  This breeds the kind of motivation (or lack thereof) that has people expending more energy looking for ways to work the system in their favor (which isn’t all that hard to do), than committing to, sacrificing when necessary, and doing their absolute best to be successful.  If you don’t know what it feels like to fail- if you miss the opportunity to learn from your mistakes- will you ever truly know and appreciate success?  Or will you just feel entitled to more?  

I don’t think anyone wants to fail, but each failure brings a unique opportunity to grow and learn and become a better person because of it.  And sometimes that opportunity from failure is well beyond the original goal of success.  Failure can be a gift.  Just look at the inspirational underdogs around us who have overcome inconceivable odds, like Oscar Pistorius (aka “Blade Runner”) from the 2012 summer Olympics, because they are willing to redefine success and be even better in spite of their disadvantages. And remember Christopher Columbus, the guy who discovered America...by mistake?  Take a minute to ponder this list of 50 Famously Successful People Who Failed At First- what would have happened if they ended their pursuit of success and settled for just good enough? 

Photo credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney

I love my kids and I want what’s best for them.  And, I’ll be the first to admit that my first instinct is to give them everything and/or do everything for them to make them happy- for the moment (and, if not to make my life easier).  But, in the end, I know that doing so only creates lazy, ungrateful, selfish people who just want more...and think they deserve it because they don’t know otherwise...because they haven’t learned that success is the result of overcoming failure, and the only way to overcome failure is with consistent effort and hard work.  

Okay, I’ve vacated the soap box, thanks for indulging me.  I would give you a trophy for participating, but... What are your thoughts on teaching kids how to fail so that they can ultimately succeed?

Back to School: Organizing the (In)Sanity for Kids and Parents

School supplies: check.  New clothes: check.  Finding out teacher assignments and seeing friends after a long summer: check.  Ready to learn: well...

Photo Credit: Digitalphotonut

It’s taken me more than a couple years of being a mom and going through the back-to-school routine to realize that preparing and organizing to go back to school is more than just filling a backpack with supplies and wearing some of the latest fashions.  In fact, it’s much more.  While some kids look forward with anticipation to the new classroom, new teacher, and new challenges, others are filled with angst about settling into a new environment , anxiety about whether their teacher will be approachable or intimidating, and fear about not being able to learn the information.

Take my oldest, for example.  He struggled quite a bit in third grade- not with the actual curriculum as much as with the “dynamic” (which in his case was a euphemism for “inconsistent”) classroom format of teaching.  He does not do well with change...and as a result of being forced to adapt to ongoing changes- and being in a perpetual state of being frustrated and feeling lost- came to the conclusion that he can’t “do” school.  He absolutely can, but he internalized his inability to keep up with the changes as an ineptitude for school.  (Insert exasperated sigh) Who says motherhood and parenting get easier as kids get older?  

I talked to his teacher- her solution was to sit down with him once or twice to help him organize the notebook he uses in class.  I talked to the school counselor (since his deflating self confidence was carrying over into his social interactions)- her solution was to sit down with him and help him organize his notebook...differently.  I did my best from home to help him be consistent with his homework schedule and where he put his completed work (which, more often than not, he didn’t turn in).  And while I emailed his teacher regularly, I just didn’t feel he was getting the support he needed.  At the same time, he was getting to an age where too much coddling and too accommodating can perpetuate his feeling of incompetence, which would surely contribute to his declining self esteem.  And this was only THIRD grade!  

So, while I will be the first to admit that I’m breathing a sigh of relief now that summer is over, I have carried a certain hesitation going into this next school year.  I keep asking myself, “How can I help him get/stay organized?”.  Then it occurred to me that no one was actually teaching him the skills on how to be organized; they were just telling him where to put things.  He needed to understand how to organize his thoughts first so that he could organize his actions.   

The saying, “A goal without a plan is just a wish” has never made more sense to me.  

He needed a plan for getting organized that he could apply to any challenge or situation, no matter where he was.  Here’s what I came up with:

It’s pretty self explanatory, but basically, it’s all about being prepared so that you have the best possible chances for success.  And who doesn’t want to be successful?  It’s simple enough to be able remember and understand, and flexible enough to apply to most situations.  And best of all, it makes him feel in control of the situation.

We’ve revisited this a few times together when frustration levels begin to escalate and have found that it helps diffuse the situation and bring the focus back to the task at hand.  We also followed up our introduction of this concept with a labeling gun session where we labeled important things in his environment to help make life, well, more organized- like where to put shoes, his soccer gear, his homework pencils, and other things he often loses that contribute to his (and my) frustration insanity.

So far he’s more organized, and I’m more sane, so I call that success!  And it applies to more than just life with kids- my husband and I have even found ourselves putting these specific ideas into practice outside of being parents when we are feeling overwhelmed.  And, you know what?  It helps!  Give it a try next time you feel insanity taking over.  

What back to school tips and ideas do you have for making the transition smoother for everyone?

When You Give A Mom A Flat Screen TV

When you give a mom a flat screen, she’s going to want to have more seating to enjoy it.  And when she gets rid of the old entertainment center, she’s going to realize that she still needs a cabinet to house the electronics and dvd’s.  Then she’s going to want to go furniture shopping.  And when she goes shopping for a new couch and cabinet, her husband will hit her up for a recliner.  When she reluctantly agrees to the recliner, he will hit her up for a LOVESEAT recliner (because he LOVES her).  When she agrees to the loveseat recliner, she knows that the old chair that will be left in the room needs replacing.  So she’ll shop for a new chair.  That reclines.  

Photo: Robert Lerich

 When she settles on the furniture, she remembers that the paint in the living room is ten years old and needs updating.  And when she removes the decor for painting, she’ll want to update that, too.  But before she begins to paint, she realizes that the ceiling will look dingy if the walls are painted and not the ceiling, so she’ll paint that first.  Then she’ll paint the walls, window sills, doors and baseboards.  And, as she’s painting, she’ll have to keep touching up the walls as she jockeys the ladder around a small room full of furniture and four kids who want to enjoy their new flat screen tv.  That’s when she remembers she has four kids and a new flat screen tv.  And when she sits down to enjoy them, she looks into the connecting dining room and starts envisioning new paint colors and decor...

The Art of Motherhood, Sales and Negotiations

I will never forget my first car buying experience.  I was getting ready to graduate college, was starting to interview for my first “professional” job and my car at the time was 17 years old.  It was time.  I enthusiastically wound my way through the maze of shiny cars at the Toyota dealership like a kid searching through presents on Christmas morning as I was approached by a salesperson.  We had the standard exchange of “What are you looking for?” to which I replied that I wasn’t quite sure yet but wanted to find out my options.  I knew I wanted a Toyota or a Honda but that was about it.  I was giving him a golden opportunity at that moment.

Photo credit: Yunhao Zhang

I inquired about the price of the first vehicle I encountered.  His response?  “Do you even know how much this car costs?”  Uh, no, obviously.  And now I felt like an idiot (it turned out that was a high end Toyota Avalon).  The point here is that I left the dealership within minutes after that, went directly to the Honda dealership and drove off hours later in a brand new Accord.  Oh, and I told everyone I knew where NOT to buy a Toyota.

Let’s be honest- when you think “salesperson” you automatically recall your worse sales experience and conjure up images of a fast talking, aggressive, obnoxious- if not offensive- person relentlessly following you around as you try your best to politely decline a conversation about how much you need their amazing product or service.  No one likes being “sold” to.

Interestingly, when I reflect on my experiences as a consumer, I realize that those really positive experiences with salespeople are harder to pinpoint.  Why?  Because I didn’t feel like I was being sold; I wasn’t being convinced that I wanted something I didn’t need, but rather had guidance finding something that was right for me.  It didn’t feel like a sales experience, it felt like a win-win negotiation.  Which is the way I think we all prefer it.

The truth is, we are all “salespeople”.  As mothers, we pitch ideas to our kids all the time, then we negotiate until we feel mutually satisfied with the outcome (or one of us goes to time out).  Even in those moments, we are exchanging thoughts and ideas, listening and learning from that interaction, and negotiating and empowering our children to make their own decisions.  Remember this post about getting my strong-willed daughter to finally decide to pick up her puzzle pieces?  Being a mom is the best on-the-job sales training experience there is.  And we learn the value of being consistent, efficient and opportunistic, as well as the importance of not just educating, but understanding what's important to the other person.

And it’s not just motherhood that utilizes selling skills- they are the foundation for most of our interactions in life.  Think about it...we use them in our marriages, when we date, when we interview for jobs, when we interact with peers, when we teach, when we post to Facebook, and every time we interact with other people.  Even as a consumer.  We are our own sales representative, and we all are our own unique brand.  

Photo credit: Wilfred Stanley Sussenbach

Which means, like it or not, we are ALL salespeople.  And life is a series of negotiations.  It's just a matter of what we're willing to learn and how we choose to apply our skills.

What are your thoughts?

Top 10 Signs You May Be Wearing "Mom Jeans"...

It turns out that your body isn’t the only thing that goes when you have kids; your wardrobe suffers a similar fate.  Or at least mine did after I quit work to be an at home mom.  Now that I’m in the boat of ramping up my “work” wardrobe again, I’ve made the horrific discovery that for the last several years I may have been wearing “mom jeans”...  

Photo: Missjelena

Here are the top 10 signs I found:

1.  You have to poke new holes in your ears to wear pierced earrings for a special occasion (because it’s been that long...)

2.  You have flip flop tan lines on your feet

3.  You can’t remember how to style your hair in anything other than a functional ponytail (and your favorite accessory is a hat)

4.  Your elementary school kids are telling you what’s in style now (...and it’s the same thing that was in style when you were in middle school - just to add to the humility)

5.  You walk like a drunken sailor in anything higher than a two inch wedge (have you seen how high some of the heels are these days???)

6.  More of your clothes than not have some kind of permanent stain on them- which are the clothes you actually prefer to wear...why keep ruining good ones?

7.  You still have clothes from before you had kids, but there’s no way they would still fit (but you keep them anyway as a “reminder”)

8.  You haven’t updated your make up in years- as opposed to the recommended every 6 months- because you can’t possibly use it up that fast

9.  You have a “go-to” outfit for each special occasion: a dress for weddings, a dress for your husband’s work parties, a stain-free outfit for nights out, etc...

10.  And...you only need a fraction of the closet space you used to need before being a mom...but require an extra drawer in the dresser for your wardrobe of jeans.    

The good news?  I double checked to make sure none of my jeans button above my waist and I’m good (probably just in time for that totally unflattering style to return...).  And, while I’ve never been a big fan of latte-fueled, hours-long shopping excursions at the mall, I’m thinking some kid-free time buying clothes to actually hang in my closet may be the perfect antidote for my “mom jeans” blues.  


What about you- have you kept your wardrobe up to date...or shall we go shopping?

Musings on Playground Judgement

The way I see it, most of us parents out there fall into three categories when it comes to supervising our kids on the playground.  We can be 1) overprotective, 2) over permissive, 3) somewhere in between.  And, just as the kids are quick to size up potential playmates, parents are quick to size up each other on the playground.  He’s totally fixated on his phone and not even watching his kid who’s throwing rocks, She’s hovering over her child like a hawk and won’t even let her play on the structure...

Photo: Roughcollie

I am an “in between” parent (or at least I think I am).   Many of our park excursions with the overprotective parent result in my child either somehow making the other child cry (usually by accident), or teaching them some undesirable behavior/words/other means of problem solving.  They’re kids, they’re still figuring stuff out.  Conversely, when we encounter children of over permissive parents I have to run double duty to make sure my kids don’t enthusiastically follow theirs out of sight or mimic them jumping off the top of the play structure.  

I have to admit, however, that I’ve been both.  And because of that I try not to judge.  Like when we went to the park a few days ago.  My kids were pretending they were on a pirate ship, and when a newcomer came aboard he was met with loud, hostile “pirates” (my 3 year old son and daughter, plus one other).  Before I could intervene and remind them that the structure was for everyone, the dad of the new child called my kids “brats”, instructed his kid to call my kids “brats”, and then removed his child from the play structure to play somewhere else.  

So my kids followed him.  There are a couple other things worth mentioning.  The boy was the same age (three) as my son and sporting a cap gun (which my son thought was the coolest thing ever).   And the dad looked stereotypically gangster-ish with his attire and tattoos, and the way he carried himself.  After my son apologized to the other boy, the kids got over it and played happily together for the better part of an hour.

I could have been passive and let it go, knowing the problem had been resolved without my involvement.  Or, I could have been overprotective and addressed this man for calling my kids “brats” unjustly.  But I could tell this dad was out of his comfort zone and he was defending his kid the best way he knew how.  Putting my stereotypes aside, I befriended him.  I explained that my child wasn’t trying to be mean, he was just playing “pirate”.  I also mentioned that my son was the same age (since he’s often mistaken for a five year old because of his size), and, like all three year olds, was still learning to play cooperatively.  Before you knew it, the dad relaxed, was equally friendly and the kids had a lot of fun together.

And, while I think that dad will probably continue to be overprotective and rescue his little guy in these types of situations, hopefully he can appreciate that sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding, and not meant to be personal.  And, maybe, just maybe, he left the park that day feeling a little less judgemental about stereotypes...like the “suburban stay at home mom”.  I know I did.

What kind of playground parent are you and how has that shaped your experience with others?

Musings on Mommy Burnout

All the signs were there...I was dreading getting out of bed in the morning, knowing what the day would bring.  I had become complacent about things I should have cared about.  I had given up trying to do things the right way and settled for just getting by doing things the easy way.  I just couldn’t find the fight, energy or excitement in me.  I was burned out.

Photo: Thorsten

 So often we think of “burnout” in terms of career (okay, paid) jobs.  Who is to say that the long hours, constant stress in the form of whining, arguing and interrupting, and an ongoing demand for unrealistic productivity and attention isn’t cause for burnout in moms?  We can’t “leave it at the office”, drop a problematic client (or just ignore them), take a mental health or sick day, or decide to quit our jobs.  I am responsible for keeping my family going.  

I know (thanks to my guilty mom voice) that it should be enough to have such an amazing family.  I should feel blessed to have a husband that loves me, kids that are healthy, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and our safety and security.  AND I DO.  But when your “career” is to GIVE of yourself all.the.time. burnout is a real risk, even for the strongest of moms.  Let’s face it, cleaning the pee off the toilet six times a day is not what I envisioned myself doing when I accepted the privilege to stay at home.

So now what?  Here’s what helped me:

Hello again!

I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed being in this space where I get so much needed perspective on motherhood and the insanity of life!  But...I’m back.

After the last few months of being a semi-single mom of four (as the wife of a tax accountant, which happens every spring and fall), surviving the terrible three’s times two (by the way, when did it also become the terrible eights and nines?), and helping take care of my mother in law trying to hold her ground with metastasized breast cancer, I just didn’t have much in me to offer to my blog. 

Photo: Cristian Nitu

What I know now is that writing and my blog was the ONE thing that could have helped ease the stress by keeping so much of it in perspective.  And now that I’ve been reminded of that, I hope to carry it forward.  In the mean time, I have brain full of musings that are looking for a home :)

You may have noticed that I also took this opportunity to freshen up my blog.  While I liked the darkness because I felt like it represented a view into my consciousness, I’ve decided a lighter, more uplifting feel might be more appropriate.  I still feel like it’s missing something, what do you think?

Anyway, enough about me.  How have you been?

Sticks and Stones...

May break my bones...but the rest is totally untrue! Just ask any kid (or grown up, for that matter)- words hurt! I’ve heard this is especially problematic with grade-school girls, but since I’m not there yet, my only experience so far is with boys. But it still rings true, especially if you have a sensitive kid, and especially if he is associated in any way with being a baby.

My seven and nine year old had their first lesson in virality and how, once you put it out there, there’s no taking it back. I’m sure the seven year old didn’t intend to be mean- this is the comedian who often speaks before he thinks- but his hurtful and inaccurate words about his brother “playing with baby toys” were blurted out in an effort to get laughs...and spread like wildfire. (Note to self: another thing to add to the list of why being a mom makes me a better person- MEAN IS NOT FUNNY).

Anyway, the three of us had a long discussion about being careful about we say about others, being family and sticking together, and the importance of talking in truths. The reality is, the babies (who are now 3 ½ and not really babies) like all the toys their big brothers play with, so it’s not fair to say that his brother plays with baby toys just because they play together. And, for the record, the seven year old plays with them too. They are learning the hard way that things like this can’t be undone. And, unfortunately, it’s a lifelong lesson they may have to learn more than once.

But this whole situation got me thinking...if it weren’t my other son (and his brother) that started this “rumor”, knowing my nine year old is feeling ostracized, would I have taken a different course of action? Would I be expressing my concerns to the principal about the kid who is bullying my child? I think I would have...which is a reality check as far as I’m concerned.

While I do believe that bullying is a real problem, I think our kids are SO aware of it that they lose their ability to confront issues and problem solve, and label any mean thing another kid does as being “bullied”. We’ve made our kids hyper-sensitive, when, really, kids can just be mean. Period. I, for one, think that the sooner my kids realize and understand the difference between a real bully and a bad decision, the better off they will be. I didn’t “get it” until I was out of high school, but some people never “get it”. Best they learn now, don’t you think?

This is Motherhood!

Some aspects of parenting come more naturally to me than others. Give me a child who’s sick and I can confidently nurse them back to health in no time. Challenge me with a child who is emotionally complicated and having trouble expressing anger and frustration...watch me panic. I’ve been reminded that I have a lot of work to do when it comes to parenting my nine year old...and myself.

My son has always been especially challenging to me as a parent, mostly because he and I are so alike in so many ways. And this is one of those times when I completely understand where he’s coming from...he’s having issues with a friend because his friend doesn’t want to play the same way as my son. An ongoing power struggle has ensued, which has brought out the meanness in both of them. I know my son doesn’t want to alienate his friend, I know he likes playing with him, but he’s extremely frustrated and angry that he’s not feeling heard or acknowledged and it has manifested itself in a passive-aggressive way. Yet, he blames his friend for his anger because his friend is not cooperating. After giving him my best “you have to take responsibility for your own actions” and “we treat people the way we want to be treated” lecture, the bells rang clearly...

This is motherhood!

I live this constantly and on a daily basis. How many times a day do I tell my kids, “If you would just listen....”? Admittedly, my BIGGEST challenge as a mom is to RESPOND and not REACT to situations. My son’s too. Which is why I know I must model how to stop myself, reflect on the problems that arise, consider other people’s perspectives and work towards a solution. Calmly.

Once again I am reminded that motherhood makes me a better person because it puts my own character flaws in the spotlight and motives me to change them for the sake of my children. What has your journey taught you lately?

Are You A Fan?

Motherhood and Other Musings officially has a Facebook Page! Come by, share your motherhood and other musings, and be sure to "LIKE" my page while you’re there. I look forward to seeing you there and hearing more about what YOU have to say!





Oh, and I’m feeling a little less croppy these days, thanks to Audra Baecker of audrasphotography.net.  SO much better than the holding-the-camera-out-in-front technique, don't you think?

Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?

I love my kids. I’d give my life for my kids. But they can’t have my cookies.

I know it sounds selfish, and it probably is (despite my rationale that I’m preventing them from eating unhealthy food by eating it myself), but motherhood is the second-ultimate sacrifice. Your life (and in the early stages your body) are not your own.

So in a life with kids where I can’t use the bathroom for two minutes without being beckoned by a loud “maaaahhhhaaammm” and my every activity revolves around responding (notice I don’t say “meeting”) their every demand there are a few sacred moments/rituals/items that bring me temporary joy and refuel my spirit for motherhood. Coffee at the crack of dawn by myself at the kitchen table is one of them....chocolate chip cookies is another. (It’s a good thing that running is another one...).

I keep my secret cookie stashes strategically placed around the kitchen and have perfected the art of sneaking them...or so I thought. I got caught red-handed again today by my oldest who demanded I show him what was in my hand. Talk about a role reversal! I balked for a second at the thought of sharing and then surrendered to guilt. But when I showed him he just smiled. He didn’t even ask for any (what can I say, he’s well trained!). I was so relieved by his reaction that it made me realize that sometimes it’s more important to be playful and mischievous than to be the ever rule-enforcing mom. We could all use a little more smiling and giggling.

I am unapologetic about my love for cookies and my reluctance to share them, but I think my kids love me anyway. So, I admit it, I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!

What do you rely on to get you through the day?

Under the Weather

Absolutely, without question, one of the hardest parts of being a mom is when your child is sick. (Actually, the even harder part is being a sick mom, but that’s another story).

As moms we are programmed to become ultra-nurturing, extra protective and usually hyper-sensitive to symptoms when our little ones are feeling under the weather. After all, it’s our job to take care of them, and they need us more than ever when they’re sick. And I don’t mean a runny nose or daycare cough kind of sick...I mean fever-bearing, curled up on the couch just wanting to be held kind of sick.

It’s exhausting as a parent, especially when being nursemaid means getting up throughout the night for several days to give medicine and comfort. Not to mention having to tend to other kids.  So much so, that I am seriously questioning what state of mind I must have been in during the first year with twins...I guess the good news is that I don’t remember most of it (my body’s defense mechanism, I’m sure).

Anyway, all this pondering about illness made me wonder where the expression “under the weather” came from and what it’s supposed to mean. Here are some of the definitions I found:


under the weather
1. Somewhat indisposed; slightly ill.
2. Slang
     a. Intoxicated; drunk.
     b. Suffering from a hangover.


Under the Weather
'This popular phrase for "ill" dates back to 1827. It is commonly believed that bad weather can make you sick. One opinion about this idiom is that "under the weather" is an old sailor phrase used when men on a ship were sick, they would rest below “the weather [main] deck” and thus were literally "under" the weather on deck.'


Under the Weather
'When it's gray and rainy out, does that affect how you feel? This expression comes from the idea that bad weather might hurt a person's health and mood. The saying also may be related to "under the weather bow," the part of a boat that will take the force of rough seas during stormy weather. If you were in that part of the boat, you might get seasick!'

There is obvious reference here to being sick on a ship, but I’m still not clear if that’s seasickness or intoxication...? In our case, neither applies, but if we’re going to be sick at least we can learn something from it, right? (I mean something other than self diagnosing some terminal illness thanks to Google).

That concludes today’s lesson. Any questions?

5 Reasons To Go For A Run In The Cold

Okay, here’s my disclaimer: I live in Southern California and I don’t know real cold compared to other parts of the country. BUT, I am an early morning runner and run regularly in temperatures from the mid-30’s on up. So, I’m kind of qualified to make this post. Here goes...


5. Don't over think it.  Stop trying to find a logical reason for running in the cold. You will have much more success if you absolutely refuse to think about. Sure, it takes discipline to get out the door, but it takes as much, if not more, discipline to keep your left brain out of it. You’re going. Period. Do what you have to do to get out the door.


4. Schedule it. Why? Because you will always find something better to do than run in the cold. See #5. The more you can make it a habit, the easier it is to find the discipline. Don’t expect to “find” the time- you won’t; you must “make” the time.

3. The views are spectacular. Seriously, weather always makes for something interesting to look at. Whether it’s the glistening of ice on rooftops, the brilliant sunrise/sunset, or the sights and sounds of winter, you can find inspiration from the world around you. For me, it’s the silhouette of the mountains in the distance contrasted with the sunrise in the early morning. Some days I’m lucky enough to watch the moon set simultaneously. And, yes, some mornings THIS is what gets me out the door. It’s peaceful, beautiful and refreshing to see life from the perspective of my own moving feet.


2. The colder it is, the faster you will go. I’m not sure this is a scientific theory, but it’s been my experience. You are anxious to get to the point of not being freezing and the only way to accomplish that is to break a sweat (just be sure you are not wearing anything cotton). And, once you’re out there, the sooner you get back, the sooner you find warmth; it’s a good incentive when you need it to be.  Likewise, (and maybe equally unscientific) is that I always feel like I burn more calories in the cold because my body is working extra hard to keep warm.  And it's pretty darn cool to create your own steam cloud when you're done- kinda makes me feel superheroish.


1. It’s impossible to be tired and cold at the same time. Again, not sure about the science behind this statement, but I’m speaking from experience. Cold air wakes up the senses. If your excuse to not run is the because you're too tired, then turn that excuse into your reason to run! You will feel more awake after a good run in the cold.  I have yet to regret going for a run.  Ever.  But have many times regretted not going.  Don't let the cold keep you from being the athlete you want to be.

A couple additional pieces of advice. Dress appropriately. I wear gloves, a hat and make sure to double (and sometimes triple) up on layers, especially around my core. For those of you in “real” weather, here are some more good tips. If it’s dark, be sure to wear reflective gear (I have an arm band I can easily strap on to be visible to unsuspecting drivers). From a safety standpoint, it’s always a good idea to run against traffic and off the road, and stay aware of the cars and people around you. If you’re a female (and even if you’re not), take a self defense class regularly and carry pepper spray and your phone. And, lastly, be sure to tell someone your route before you leave, and try to vary that often.

And for those of you who still aren’t convinced it’s worth running in the cold, don’t worry, the there’s always the heat and humidity to look forward to. :) Happy running!

Camping Out

My 3 year old daughter was born to camp. It’s not her fault, it’s in her genes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) And she’s only really been real camping once, but she’s a natural.

Which is the one thing I kept going back to over the past year and then some that she’s been sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag. Oh, she has a bed. A nice toddler bed with cute sheets with trains, trucks and airplanes. (She was supposed to have bed with the pretty pink flowered bedding, but true to her personality and intense competitiveness, she decided the bed intended for her brother was to be hers. Good thing he didn’t really care. And no one needs to know his bedding has pink flowers, right?).

But this is all beside the point. Following a visit from her Aunt (who is a wildlife biologist and spends much of her time camping) and thanks to the sleeping bag her Aunt left behind, my daughter has become a floor sleeper. Her bed sits empty while she chooses night after night to sleep in the sleeping bag on the floor. Hey, if she’s willing to actually sleep, I’m not going to complain about where that occurs, as long as I get to also.

So, now that we’ve played musical rooms and switched the bedrooms around, she and her twin brother have inherited the biggest bedroom...with wood floors. I thought this would be my opportunity to get her sleeping in her bed again. It’s not a huge issue, but I do like the thought of her being up off the floor for the sake of things that crawl. And so far she’s been receptive to the idea- as long as she still gets to sleep in her sleeping bag. Okay, great, that’s fair!

But I discovered something. She’s a super squirmy sleeper and has been rolling out of bed (still in her sleeping bag) multiple times a night and onto the wood floor. Her bed is low to the ground and it does have a small guard rail, but it’s no match for the wiggling girl in a sleeping bag that easily hurdles it. So, the problem now is that I’m up 3-4 times every.single.night. getting her back to bed since the hard landing always wakes her up.

She is finally content to sleep in her bed but now I’m not getting enough sleep. I’ll figure out a way to solve this unanticipated problem (I’m thinking it may involve a carpeted indoor tent), but I had to take a moment to examine the irony of how trying to solve what we perceive to be a small problem- like unnecessarily sleeping on the floor- creates a bigger problem. My daughter is not an in-the-box child OR in-the-bed kind of sleeper; the more I can embrace that, the better. However I look at it, it’s a great reminder that, even thought I’m MOM, I don’t know everything...and sometimes she knows best- like the fact that her sleeping habits are just not suited for a bed. Happy camping, my love!

Getting My App Kicked

So, I finally joined the smartphone revolution and invested in an iPhone. I had a Blackberry but apparently I wasn’t smart enough to really figure out the features of my smartphone. Now that I have an iPhone, I have a new appreciation for simple technology (or technology that is so brilliantly complex that the user THINKS it’s simple).

Originally, this post was going to be about the process of going through my old phone and transferring my phonebook. I had intentions of reflecting on all the phone numbers of friends I have been too busy to call and haven’t talked to in too long...phone numbers of parents from a school we have outgrown...phone numbers of people who have moved and with whom I’ve lost touch. And then there are the staple phone numbers of the people I love and depend on, and people, like parents, I don’t call often enough.  It's all a very poignant analogy for how motherhood and life with kids keeps us so busy sometimes that we forget to make the time for things that matter most- like family and friends.

But, then I got distracted. That’s been happening a lot since I got my iPhone. It’s not the phone...it’s the apps. I loved shopping apps and of course couldn’t resist downloading free app after free app.

The problem? I spend most of my precious free minutes here and there playing apps instead of letting my mind wander...processing thoughts...and looking up to take in the world around me. And while I do find solving a hard puzzle very rewarding, it’s not exactly relaxing (why do I insist on frustrating myself to feel that moment of victory?). I probably should be using those moments to do something like read...but that can be equally frustrating when I only get to read in increments of paragraphs instead of pages. And most books don’t fit in my pocket. Or, perhaps, my time would be better spent enjoying the quiet peace.

Ironic how using a device that's designed to make things more convenient causes me to waste my time. And how something that’s designed to be simple seems to be making life a little more complicated. I’m feeling a little conflicted about it all....is it a good thing or a bad thing?