The Art of Motherhood, Sales and Negotiations

I will never forget my first car buying experience.  I was getting ready to graduate college, was starting to interview for my first “professional” job and my car at the time was 17 years old.  It was time.  I enthusiastically wound my way through the maze of shiny cars at the Toyota dealership like a kid searching through presents on Christmas morning as I was approached by a salesperson.  We had the standard exchange of “What are you looking for?” to which I replied that I wasn’t quite sure yet but wanted to find out my options.  I knew I wanted a Toyota or a Honda but that was about it.  I was giving him a golden opportunity at that moment.

Photo credit: Yunhao Zhang

I inquired about the price of the first vehicle I encountered.  His response?  “Do you even know how much this car costs?”  Uh, no, obviously.  And now I felt like an idiot (it turned out that was a high end Toyota Avalon).  The point here is that I left the dealership within minutes after that, went directly to the Honda dealership and drove off hours later in a brand new Accord.  Oh, and I told everyone I knew where NOT to buy a Toyota.

Let’s be honest- when you think “salesperson” you automatically recall your worse sales experience and conjure up images of a fast talking, aggressive, obnoxious- if not offensive- person relentlessly following you around as you try your best to politely decline a conversation about how much you need their amazing product or service.  No one likes being “sold” to.

Interestingly, when I reflect on my experiences as a consumer, I realize that those really positive experiences with salespeople are harder to pinpoint.  Why?  Because I didn’t feel like I was being sold; I wasn’t being convinced that I wanted something I didn’t need, but rather had guidance finding something that was right for me.  It didn’t feel like a sales experience, it felt like a win-win negotiation.  Which is the way I think we all prefer it.

The truth is, we are all “salespeople”.  As mothers, we pitch ideas to our kids all the time, then we negotiate until we feel mutually satisfied with the outcome (or one of us goes to time out).  Even in those moments, we are exchanging thoughts and ideas, listening and learning from that interaction, and negotiating and empowering our children to make their own decisions.  Remember this post about getting my strong-willed daughter to finally decide to pick up her puzzle pieces?  Being a mom is the best on-the-job sales training experience there is.  And we learn the value of being consistent, efficient and opportunistic, as well as the importance of not just educating, but understanding what's important to the other person.

And it’s not just motherhood that utilizes selling skills- they are the foundation for most of our interactions in life.  Think about it...we use them in our marriages, when we date, when we interview for jobs, when we interact with peers, when we teach, when we post to Facebook, and every time we interact with other people.  Even as a consumer.  We are our own sales representative, and we all are our own unique brand.  

Photo credit: Wilfred Stanley Sussenbach

Which means, like it or not, we are ALL salespeople.  And life is a series of negotiations.  It's just a matter of what we're willing to learn and how we choose to apply our skills.

What are your thoughts?

Musings on Mommy Burnout

All the signs were there...I was dreading getting out of bed in the morning, knowing what the day would bring.  I had become complacent about things I should have cared about.  I had given up trying to do things the right way and settled for just getting by doing things the easy way.  I just couldn’t find the fight, energy or excitement in me.  I was burned out.

Photo: Thorsten

 So often we think of “burnout” in terms of career (okay, paid) jobs.  Who is to say that the long hours, constant stress in the form of whining, arguing and interrupting, and an ongoing demand for unrealistic productivity and attention isn’t cause for burnout in moms?  We can’t “leave it at the office”, drop a problematic client (or just ignore them), take a mental health or sick day, or decide to quit our jobs.  I am responsible for keeping my family going.  

I know (thanks to my guilty mom voice) that it should be enough to have such an amazing family.  I should feel blessed to have a husband that loves me, kids that are healthy, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and our safety and security.  AND I DO.  But when your “career” is to GIVE of yourself all.the.time. burnout is a real risk, even for the strongest of moms.  Let’s face it, cleaning the pee off the toilet six times a day is not what I envisioned myself doing when I accepted the privilege to stay at home.

So now what?  Here’s what helped me:

Hello again!

I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed being in this space where I get so much needed perspective on motherhood and the insanity of life!  But...I’m back.

After the last few months of being a semi-single mom of four (as the wife of a tax accountant, which happens every spring and fall), surviving the terrible three’s times two (by the way, when did it also become the terrible eights and nines?), and helping take care of my mother in law trying to hold her ground with metastasized breast cancer, I just didn’t have much in me to offer to my blog. 

Photo: Cristian Nitu

What I know now is that writing and my blog was the ONE thing that could have helped ease the stress by keeping so much of it in perspective.  And now that I’ve been reminded of that, I hope to carry it forward.  In the mean time, I have brain full of musings that are looking for a home :)

You may have noticed that I also took this opportunity to freshen up my blog.  While I liked the darkness because I felt like it represented a view into my consciousness, I’ve decided a lighter, more uplifting feel might be more appropriate.  I still feel like it’s missing something, what do you think?

Anyway, enough about me.  How have you been?

My latest article: Because Sometimes Words Speak Louder Than Actions

This one is about the power of an Apology Letter.  Check it out and send it along if you like it!

 http://familyfocusblog.com/because-sometimes-words-speak-louder-than-actions/

Thanks for all the support and positive feedback!

Feeling a Little Croppy. And Not in a Scrapbooking Kind of Way.

I’m talking about the THOUSANDS of pictures I have of my children...which I adore...but I can’t find a single one of me. Normally I wouldn't think much of it (and may even be a little relieved), but right now I’m scrambling to include a profile picture with the writings I’m submitting. I’ve come to the realization that not only can I count the number of pictures I’m in on one hand (out of the thousands), but my go-to pictures when I need them are the ones that I have cropped.

I’m pretty sure it started right after childbirth when I didn’t want to be photographed because I was overtired, overweight (and no longer pregnant) and feeling nothing like myself. And then the focus continues to be on the infant, then baby, then toddler, then preschooler, then sports and it goes on. Until one day I realize that all those years I spent dodging the camera or being the one behind it means my kids will have little to no record of my existence. I sure hope the memories I’m creating for them will last, because it’s not going to be in print. And while I would have thought it narcissistic in the past to want to be in countless pictures, I am realizing now that it is actually a wonderful gift to give my children. Even when I’m having a bad hair day. Because, really, isn’t it fun and amusing to look back on pictures of YOUR parents when you were little? And have you seen the reaction of your little ones when they see what Grandma and Grandpa looked like way back when? From now on I won’t be afraid to ask strangers to take my picture with my kids, won’t shy away from a camera pointed my direction (even if I’m in my bathing suit or am sans make up), and promise to always smile graciously rather than duck away.

But in the mean time, I’m relegated to my own limited photography skills for my self portrait (yes, that’s me holding my camera out in front). What struck me, though, was that as I looked around at other mom’s profile pictures, I noticed that most of their pictures resemble mine. Isn’t is ironic (and a little sad) that the one person who is probably most influential in their children’s lives is the one person that is missing in pictures? My kids are gonna hate it, but that’s going to change for me. Starting...right...NOW.