Top 10 Signs You May Be Wearing "Mom Jeans"...

It turns out that your body isn’t the only thing that goes when you have kids; your wardrobe suffers a similar fate.  Or at least mine did after I quit work to be an at home mom.  Now that I’m in the boat of ramping up my “work” wardrobe again, I’ve made the horrific discovery that for the last several years I may have been wearing “mom jeans”...  

Photo: Missjelena

Here are the top 10 signs I found:

1.  You have to poke new holes in your ears to wear pierced earrings for a special occasion (because it’s been that long...)

2.  You have flip flop tan lines on your feet

3.  You can’t remember how to style your hair in anything other than a functional ponytail (and your favorite accessory is a hat)

4.  Your elementary school kids are telling you what’s in style now (...and it’s the same thing that was in style when you were in middle school - just to add to the humility)

5.  You walk like a drunken sailor in anything higher than a two inch wedge (have you seen how high some of the heels are these days???)

6.  More of your clothes than not have some kind of permanent stain on them- which are the clothes you actually prefer to wear...why keep ruining good ones?

7.  You still have clothes from before you had kids, but there’s no way they would still fit (but you keep them anyway as a “reminder”)

8.  You haven’t updated your make up in years- as opposed to the recommended every 6 months- because you can’t possibly use it up that fast

9.  You have a “go-to” outfit for each special occasion: a dress for weddings, a dress for your husband’s work parties, a stain-free outfit for nights out, etc...

10.  And...you only need a fraction of the closet space you used to need before being a mom...but require an extra drawer in the dresser for your wardrobe of jeans.    

The good news?  I double checked to make sure none of my jeans button above my waist and I’m good (probably just in time for that totally unflattering style to return...).  And, while I’ve never been a big fan of latte-fueled, hours-long shopping excursions at the mall, I’m thinking some kid-free time buying clothes to actually hang in my closet may be the perfect antidote for my “mom jeans” blues.  


What about you- have you kept your wardrobe up to date...or shall we go shopping?

Blogging About Blogging

I can’t be the only one...my husband thinks I’m mildly obsessed with blogging, but he forgets that part of my paid job is to blog. And just because I’m on the computer doesn’t mean I’m blogging...(although he doesn’t need to know that I’d do it more if I could). I do, however, find a much needed outlet in writing and truly part of my motivation is to complete my constantly interrupted thoughts throughout the day.  I'm convinced this is why there are so many mom bloggers- have you ever tried to have a conversation on the phone with 2-4 kids yelling for you (and at each other) and climbing all over you? And I find that taking the time to reflect on life and motherhood really does help put it into perspective and gives it more meaning. More meaning leads to feeling more fulfilled and that leads to greater contentment with it all. What can I say, blogging is my happy place.

Never the less, he’s given himself the title of “blog widower”. He jokes that he’s going to start a blog for husbands who have lost their wives to blogging. Seriously, I think he’s on to something. What do you think?

Some Call it Bribery...I Call it REWARD

Or incentive. Or positive reinforcement. Regardless of the label, it’s usually a win-win. For the record, I define bribery as using something of value to coax someone into doing something they SHOULDN’T do. With toddlers and kids, it’s all about teaching them that when they make good decisions (which is usually what you want them to do), good things happen.

My son is one who will do just about anything for toys, and by extension, money. He understands he has to work for it, but he’s not going to work harder than he has to. And he’s honed such outstanding negotiating skills that he knows exactly how to get what he wants. But, is that such a bad thing if I also get what I want? Besides, I’m convinced this kid is going to make millions some day- and then he’ll thank me for it.

After overruling his request to play his guitar on the busy street corner to earn money (he’s seven...and he doesn’t know how to play guitar), he is now my big helper around the house. He regularly vacuums, dusts, takes out trash- all of these things without being asked- and actually REQUESTS to do the dishes (...with hearts and stars).

All of these chores pay about $.25 around here, and by the end of the week he usually has $3-5 earned over and above the $3 allowance he gets for being self-sufficient (getting ready for school, picking up his things, brushing teeth, etc). And he knows how to shop on line- which is part of HIS motivation. He finds something he wants to buy, figures out the cost plus tax and shipping (thereby building his math skills) and goes to work around the house. Thankfully he doesn’t have a credit card. Yet. Something tells me that’s not too far off into the future.

In the mean time, however, I will continue to REWARD his hard work and enjoy not having to do some of the household chores myself. I used to worry that we were attaching too much extrinsic value to his work, but the fact is, he does feel the intrinsic value of giving himself a goal and working towards it. So we let him continue to build up his credit and his self esteem. I do wish he was saving more, but then he wouldn’t be nearly as motivated to earn the money. I guess that’s another lesson for another time (usually when he finds something he wants after he’s already spent his money). No, I don’t consider this bribery...this is life!

Having an Identity Crisis

I had one several years ago when I first decided to stay home. I found it difficult to transition from my official, hard-earned work title to the very unglamorous, generic title of “mom”. I struggled with how to fill in forms when they asked for my occupation...”mom” seemed too vague and since it was not a paid position, didn’t seem relevant. “Wife” implied no kids, which pretty much implies no work, which was no where near accurate. “Volunteer” seemed too contradictory, since that would imply that I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased, pick and choose which responsibilities I took on and make my own decisions about how and when to help others. No... “servant” might be a better description...but maybe a bit too harsh. And “President” and “CEO” of our household seemed a bit of a stretch. Then there are all the smaller jobs that I fulfill, like tutor, cook, nurse, chauffer, coach, teacher, nanny, housekeeper (the list goes on...), but that brings me back to the fact that none of these are paid positions. So, who am I?

I finally made peace with the title of “at-home mom”. Having been a working mom, I felt that somehow having an occupation outside of “mom” precluded me from being “mom” on these silly forms. At least “at-home mom” makes it clear that I work hard to take care of my kids, family and home. And I REFUSE to fill in “none” for my occupation.

So, here I am, several years later, and I’m facing the same identity crisis. Only this time, I’m going back to work (kind of). I’ve started taking on some part time work, but I’m left questioning how this changes my “occupation”. Now I’m a “working at-home mom”...or do I list my part time occupation as my primary occupation and not mention being at home with kids? Or, does part time work not even count as a true occupation, and should I should omit it completely? But it’s work that I do- paid work- and shouldn’t that count for something?

I’ve now settled on the official title of “part time working at home mom”. It’s kind of long, but it says it all...the only question left to answer now, is do I list my family or my paid job as my employer?

GOODBYE PAYCHECKS, HELLO PLAY DATES...MAKING THE DECISION TO STAY AT HOME

Several years ago I hung up my professional suits, gave back my company car and forfeited my generous income. I made one of the single most important decisions in my life: to quit my job and stay home with my kids (then two years old and ten months old). Why did I do that? Believe me, I’ve asked myself this question in earnest more than a couple times, but I always come back to the same answer: to be the one raising my kids.

I never intended to be a stay at home mom....it just happened. I had convinced myself early on that I was a better mother because I worked; that when I was with them I could give them my full attention and all my love. For some people this may be true. But my moment of truth (another story for another time) made me fully aware that this wasn’t the case for me. By the time I came home at the end of the day I was tired (and often still had work to do). My children had spent ten of their eleven hour day to that point in the care of someone else. Not to mention the piles of laundry that greeted me, the snowballing dust bunnies and the stack of crusty dishes left from rushing out that morning. The time I did spend with my kids was largely comprised of getting them ready for someone else to take care of them.

Since my husband had more long term income potential, we mutually decided that I would be the one to stay home. (That, and I’m the neat one). But I had no idea how hard being an at home mom would be. Forget the inconvenience of living on less than half our previous income, I’m talking about the non-stop job of caring for a house and family, keeping two kids two and under from hurting themselves (or each other) and having no choice but to meet the every need of my children. Constantly.

So, do I regret giving up paychecks for play dates? I can’t say I do. I’m not a perfect mom but I’ve learned quite a bit about motherhood, parenting and myself. And if my kids end up completely screwed up? Well, at least I know who to blame.