When You Give A Mom A Flat Screen TV

When you give a mom a flat screen, she’s going to want to have more seating to enjoy it.  And when she gets rid of the old entertainment center, she’s going to realize that she still needs a cabinet to house the electronics and dvd’s.  Then she’s going to want to go furniture shopping.  And when she goes shopping for a new couch and cabinet, her husband will hit her up for a recliner.  When she reluctantly agrees to the recliner, he will hit her up for a LOVESEAT recliner (because he LOVES her).  When she agrees to the loveseat recliner, she knows that the old chair that will be left in the room needs replacing.  So she’ll shop for a new chair.  That reclines.  

Photo: Robert Lerich

 When she settles on the furniture, she remembers that the paint in the living room is ten years old and needs updating.  And when she removes the decor for painting, she’ll want to update that, too.  But before she begins to paint, she realizes that the ceiling will look dingy if the walls are painted and not the ceiling, so she’ll paint that first.  Then she’ll paint the walls, window sills, doors and baseboards.  And, as she’s painting, she’ll have to keep touching up the walls as she jockeys the ladder around a small room full of furniture and four kids who want to enjoy their new flat screen tv.  That’s when she remembers she has four kids and a new flat screen tv.  And when she sits down to enjoy them, she looks into the connecting dining room and starts envisioning new paint colors and decor...

My Daily Tally

Photo: healingdream

Ever wonder what it’s like having four children? Here’s an account of my daily life summarized in numbers.

ONE+ gallon/s of milk consumed each day
TWO loads of dishes
THREE loads of laundry
FOUR* the multiple of time by which every task takes (5 minute task x 4 to account for the constant interruption of life)
FIVE o’clock am is the time I wake up every day
SIX cups of coffee (according to the coffee pot; according to my giant cup, it’s only two :)
SEVEN thirty bedtime (a quiet house by 8pm)
EIGHT slices of bread eaten in a day (or more)
NINE sibling spats I have to referee
TEN times I clean or wipe the toilet down (and surrounding areas) from 3 distracted boys...

And yet, most days I wouldn't change a thing. And for those days when I forget what a gift motherhood is, I remind myself of the story I read about a mom of young kids who was struck with cancer and was heartbroken because she was incapable of tending the her children and doing things like changing diapers and cleaning toilets. It's not the most glamorous job in the world, but doing these things for the people we love makes us feel whole as mothers.  Wouldn't you agree?

Finding the Christmas Spirit

I knew I was taking a risk by responding, but it’s usually the case that doing something is harder than doing nothing, even when it’s the right thing. And my kids were watching.

We were knee deep in Christmas lights and decorations...trying to prep the outside decorations while simultaneously rotating the toys inside the house to the garage to make room for the tree. As you might suspect, this is NOT an easy task with two three year olds clinging and crying about the temporary departure of every toy, despite our best efforts to “capture the moment” with Christmas music blaring the background. (By the way, the trick is to distract them with a “new” toy to rotate in- they will play happily for at least 20 minutes- but have those ready to go before removing the “old” ones). The older boys and the neighbors were playing out front when my second oldest (and animal lover) yelled to me that a stray dog had just wandered into our yard. I’ll be honest, my first thoughts were...I’m sure the dog can find its way home. If I check for a collar and there isn’t one, then I’ve taken on the responsibility of finding its owner. Maybe I can just assure my son that the dog will be fine and we can pretend this never happened.

After all, we lost our beloved dog earlier this year and it was quite traumatic for the family, but especially this child. And he’s been begging for another dog ever since. I knew that was HIS first thought.

Photo: bk images

Sure enough, the dog had a collar...but no tag. Now I couldn’t let her wander off because I knew she belonged to someone who loved her enough to give her a collar. And she was a very sweet black lab mix. So, leaving my patient and understanding husband to man the twins and mess of toys, five kids (including the neighbors, minus the dog-lover) and Christmas decorations, my son and I set off, going house to house in search of the dog’s owner. We made it clear to the end of our street and back, and no one recognized her. And while most people were apologetic, none offered to help find her owner.  I knew I couldn’t keep her even for a few days to hang signs with 4 small kids at our house, despite my son’s pleading. And she had some visible tumors, so calling the Humane Society would not be ideal. Even trying to get her to a vet’s office to see if she had a microchip (if I could find one open on a Sunday) would be problematic with the kids.

Finally, I approached the last house within proximity and held out hope that this would be her home. I was relieved when the kid the lives there opened the door, but then he said she wasn’t his black lab and my heart sank. Upon taking a closer look, he said he did know who she belonged to and offered to take her home. He has no idea how grateful I was to hear those words!

Interestingly enough, this house was only two doors down from us, yet it was the last house I tried. In part because we had issues with this (and another neighbor) kid a few years back who were several years older than our boys and who had been cussing and being mischievous in front of our kids (4 and 5 at the time). My husband had to “talk to” the neighbor boys about being appropriate in front of younger kids. And there just didn’t seem to be a lot of parental supervision, so we encouraged out kids to steer clear of him. Yet, this very kid (a few years later) is offering to help me tremendously without giving it a second thought. He was kind and courteous and a good neighbor.

So, this experience has reminded me this Christmas to love my neighbor (and, as my husband put it, “not judge them by their skinny jeans” and skate boards), to remove myself from the chaos and stress that is “the season” and focus on helping others and doing the right thing. So many people (and a dog) in the this situation were helped, and at the end of the day, isn’t that what’s it all about?

And, no our decorations aren't hung, but Christmas has begun at our house.

Some Call it Bribery...I Call it REWARD

Or incentive. Or positive reinforcement. Regardless of the label, it’s usually a win-win. For the record, I define bribery as using something of value to coax someone into doing something they SHOULDN’T do. With toddlers and kids, it’s all about teaching them that when they make good decisions (which is usually what you want them to do), good things happen.

My son is one who will do just about anything for toys, and by extension, money. He understands he has to work for it, but he’s not going to work harder than he has to. And he’s honed such outstanding negotiating skills that he knows exactly how to get what he wants. But, is that such a bad thing if I also get what I want? Besides, I’m convinced this kid is going to make millions some day- and then he’ll thank me for it.

After overruling his request to play his guitar on the busy street corner to earn money (he’s seven...and he doesn’t know how to play guitar), he is now my big helper around the house. He regularly vacuums, dusts, takes out trash- all of these things without being asked- and actually REQUESTS to do the dishes (...with hearts and stars).

All of these chores pay about $.25 around here, and by the end of the week he usually has $3-5 earned over and above the $3 allowance he gets for being self-sufficient (getting ready for school, picking up his things, brushing teeth, etc). And he knows how to shop on line- which is part of HIS motivation. He finds something he wants to buy, figures out the cost plus tax and shipping (thereby building his math skills) and goes to work around the house. Thankfully he doesn’t have a credit card. Yet. Something tells me that’s not too far off into the future.

In the mean time, however, I will continue to REWARD his hard work and enjoy not having to do some of the household chores myself. I used to worry that we were attaching too much extrinsic value to his work, but the fact is, he does feel the intrinsic value of giving himself a goal and working towards it. So we let him continue to build up his credit and his self esteem. I do wish he was saving more, but then he wouldn’t be nearly as motivated to earn the money. I guess that’s another lesson for another time (usually when he finds something he wants after he’s already spent his money). No, I don’t consider this bribery...this is life!

Picking Up the Pieces...the Puzzle Pieces, That Is

I was busy making dinner in the kitchen when out of no where, and for no apparent reason, my three year old daughter moseyed into the kitchen, took one look at the puzzle that was left undone at the table and proceeded to swipe, one by one, each and every piece onto the floor. Knowing that I would have to be the one to crawl around and retrieve puzzle pieces from beneath chairs and under the stove, I promptly requested, “Pick those up, please.” I asked patiently and calmly several more times until I was eventually met with a defiant, “No!”. 

Suddenly, I had flashbacks to preschool two weeks prior when, at pick up, the teacher informed me that my daughter would have to put her blocks away before she could be dismissed.

What can I say? Life with a strong-will three year old has its challenging moments. Unlucky for her, she is my fourth...which means I’m wise to the ways of the willful. And being a tad (okay, really) stubborn myself, I can appreciate her frustration. Having said that, my will to enforce her picking up after herself was no match for her tantrum.

So she spent the most of the rest of the night in time out for refusing to pick up the puzzle pieces. I have to say, when this child goes to time out (which isn’t all that often), she goes for the long haul. We’ve had entire park outings where she watched from her car seat. But I’ve learned to appreciate that about her- she has a mind of her own. I didn’t get angry or frustrated; I just gave her space and gentle reminders about why it was important to pick up after herself. I knew I couldn’t win this battle unless SHE decided she wanted to pick up the pieces (a parenting pearl for anyone just beginning the journey of motherhood). So, I just provided the motivation (bath time anyone?). The puzzle pieces were picked up in record time.

Ironic how being a mom has made me both more patient and more stubborn at the same time.

What's That Smell?

It took me a few days to figure this one out. The first time I smelled it was in the car. I just figured one of the kids passed gas (a common occurrence, unfortunately). Then I smelled it in the bathroom. Same assumption, or something similar. THEN I did the laundry.

Yes, my almost nine year old has officially crossed over from my little boy...to a stinky, smelly kid. The culprit was his socks. I’m surprised they didn’t walk over to the laundry and throw themselves in, just to be put our of their misery. No, they insist on permeating our small house crammed full of people, while hiding in unsuspecting places. I can have just done my usual three loads of laundry and find one more stinker (literally!) hiding under the couch, behind the door or rolled up under some poor, innocent toy. They are e v e r y w h e r e. And, when I say they stink, I mean...THEY STINK!

Just how bad is it? My SON asked me to please help him get rid of the smell, because, apparently, it bothers him, too. He’s not concerned about scaring away girls or subjecting others to his bodily odors, he really is nauseated by the smell of his own feet. I even have a shoes ON rule now with him because it’s not just the socks that stink...it’s the shoes...AND his feet.

So, I’ve invested in odor eaters in the hopes of taming the stinky feet monster. Wish me luck. Especially since I have two more boys who have not yet reached this stage and a daughter who is actually AFRAID of the stinky socks. Can’t say I blame her.

I don’t know what’s worse...the whirlwind last minute frenzy of trying to pack for a family camping trip, complete eight loads of laundry and squeeze it into duffel bags, dig out the buried supplies and equipment and make multiple trips to the store- with kids- for the things we keep forgetting...OR...actually having to go camping with all four kids. The second one is optional, the first one is not.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy camping. But camping with kids isn’t my idea of fun. “In my world”, as my kids put it, camping includes lots of recreation, no schedules, resting in a lounge chair and reading a book or taking a hike when and where ever I want. Camping with kids is without question a LOT of work. There is lots of recreation...to keep the kids busy (thereby wearing out the adults), no schedules (which translates into staying up way too late, waking up with sunlight and foregoing any naps), and resting with four kids really never happens, no matter where we are. Add to that not getting a good night’s sleep and, well, there you have it. (Besides, with half my kids gone, staying at home is as close to a vacation as I get!)

So, I’ll put up with the first (non)option, if I don’t have to endure the second. Maybe when the days of potty training are far behind us and the older kids aren’t constantly fighting it will be tolerable (and maybe even fun). In the mean time, I will brace myself for the aftermath that is camping...the whirlwind UNpacking from a camping trip, eight loads of dirty laundry to clean and put away and refilling the backpacks with school books and binders. But at least I’ll get a good night’s sleep.