Sticks and Stones...

May break my bones...but the rest is totally untrue! Just ask any kid (or grown up, for that matter)- words hurt! I’ve heard this is especially problematic with grade-school girls, but since I’m not there yet, my only experience so far is with boys. But it still rings true, especially if you have a sensitive kid, and especially if he is associated in any way with being a baby.

My seven and nine year old had their first lesson in virality and how, once you put it out there, there’s no taking it back. I’m sure the seven year old didn’t intend to be mean- this is the comedian who often speaks before he thinks- but his hurtful and inaccurate words about his brother “playing with baby toys” were blurted out in an effort to get laughs...and spread like wildfire. (Note to self: another thing to add to the list of why being a mom makes me a better person- MEAN IS NOT FUNNY).

Anyway, the three of us had a long discussion about being careful about we say about others, being family and sticking together, and the importance of talking in truths. The reality is, the babies (who are now 3 ½ and not really babies) like all the toys their big brothers play with, so it’s not fair to say that his brother plays with baby toys just because they play together. And, for the record, the seven year old plays with them too. They are learning the hard way that things like this can’t be undone. And, unfortunately, it’s a lifelong lesson they may have to learn more than once.

But this whole situation got me thinking...if it weren’t my other son (and his brother) that started this “rumor”, knowing my nine year old is feeling ostracized, would I have taken a different course of action? Would I be expressing my concerns to the principal about the kid who is bullying my child? I think I would have...which is a reality check as far as I’m concerned.

While I do believe that bullying is a real problem, I think our kids are SO aware of it that they lose their ability to confront issues and problem solve, and label any mean thing another kid does as being “bullied”. We’ve made our kids hyper-sensitive, when, really, kids can just be mean. Period. I, for one, think that the sooner my kids realize and understand the difference between a real bully and a bad decision, the better off they will be. I didn’t “get it” until I was out of high school, but some people never “get it”. Best they learn now, don’t you think?

You Know My Preschoolers Have Older Siblings Because...

My three year old is telling his playground friends “you’re not making good decisions!”

My toddlers know all the characters in Star Wars and Pokemon

My sweet babies sing songs about burping, farting and pooping

My three year old’s vocabulary includes the phrases “that’s stupid”, “I hate that” and “oh, whatever”...used completely out of context

My daughter is trying to shoot the boys and gets mad when they don’t play dead

They insist on wearing backpacks (full of toys) to school like the big kids

They already complain about homework they don’t have

“Ewwww! That’s disgusting (which they can’t really pronounce)!”

And families without older siblings steer clear because of it.  Can't say I blame them.

Life in Two Minute Increments

Having twins has its perks. But it also has its drawbacks. Apparently today is I-want-what-you-have day, as it has been filled with a series of tug-of-wars over certain toys. All. Day. Long. My solution? The timer, set for two minutes and mandated sharing. Why two minutes? Because that’s about the maximum amount of time I can tolerate the crying and screaming that ensues when the desire to play with a toy overwhelms their senses. That, and it’s just enough time for a three year old’s attention span to wear off.

And when the timer doesn’t work, time out does. Which also lasts about two minutes. And since most of our day seems to be comprised of timers and time outs, it’s being lived in increments of two minutes at a time. And it keeps me from losing it...I can keep my cool through two minutes much easier than I can get through two hours. Today is one of those days where trying to teach my kids patience and perspective reminds me to do the same.

The Quiet One

I’m always amazed to see a sibling sitting perfectly content and seemingly unaware of their brother or sister right next to them who is SCREAMING at the top of their lungs. Here is one thing I’ve learned about parenting: it’s usually the Quiet One’s fault. The Crying One is usually quick to point that out, but the Quiet One also knows I didn’t see it. So what does the Quiet One do? Deny it, of course!

So now that it’s become a game of Quiet-said-versus-Crying-said, the original offense becomes less and less relevant until there is a full-scale meltdown about whom I believe. Suddenly, the Quiet One has masterfully manipulated the situation into MY fault for not trusting the Quiet One’s version of the truth. Worried I am going to break Quiet One’s ego, fill Quiet One with self-loathing and basically screw Quiet One up for life, I hesitate...for a moment. I may not have seen it, but this is a perfect example of how actions speak louder than words. And Quiet One’s actions (or lack thereof) are screaming GUILTY!

So Quiet One has now turned unsuspecting mother into Yelling One at Quiet One, while trying to comfort Crying One. And, as I ponder why Quiet One is lying to me, I reminisce about the myriad of lies I told as a child- not because I was a bad kid, but simply because I didn’t want to get in trouble. So I’m compelled to teach Quiet One yet another lesson on the importance of being honest with consequences for lying...right after Yelling One emerges with her sanity after deep breathing exercises in the garage.