My Thousand Mile Journey

It crossed my mind this time last year, but I didn’t want to set myself up for failure.  I knew the math should work, but life can be unpredictable.  So I set the idea aside and instead decided that in 2012 my goal for running was to simply enjoy it.  No pressure for PR’s (personal records), no distance calendars to follow, no ignoring warning signs of injury that might slow me down.  Instead, I would enjoy the moment, listen to my body, run fast when I wanted to, run slow when I wanted to, and use the time to digest my thoughts and let ideas percolate.

So I was caught a little off guard when I received the email from my RunKeeper app that I reached 1,000 miles this past year.  Wow.  In 1,000 miles I could have run to Eugene, Oregon...to Las Vegas- ONE AND A HALF TIMES...or to the Grand Canyon- AND BACK.  A thousand miles is a long way, with nothing but my own two feet, the discipline and will to move them, and some favorite music as a soundtrack to life.  


But I didn’t have to travel 1,000 miles away to have the experience of a lifetime. Some of those miles were in the pouring rain, some in extreme heat; most in total darkness, some in silvery moonlight, most at sunrise, and many at moonset.  There were hills that challenged and rewarded me.  There were times when I felt weightless and carried by the wind, and times when I felt like I was running backwards in molasses.  But most of the time I felt an indescribable inner peace.  I consciously tried to run with my senses, varying my path to experience different sights, sounds, smells and textures.  I saw raccoons, coyotes, bunnies and owls...and wildlife of another kind with a police chase, broken into cars, and the aftermath of recent accidents along my path (followed by a quick prayer of thanks that I wasn’t in that place at the wrong time).  I met new neighbors and made new friends.  And there isn’t a single run I can think of that I regret.  Not one.

In fact, to the contrary.  My memories of running those 1,000 miles are punctuated by the satisfaction of breaking a sweat in the freezing cold, from seeing the familiar comforts of smoke rising from a wood-burning chimney and the sweet smell of pancakes emanating from neighborhood homes; glorious sunrises that take my breath away and smiling moons that prompt me to smile back; the crunch of the gravel underfoot that reminds me that with every stride I move forward; shadows that accompany me and sunlight that shines ethereal rays of hope that light my path.  These are the moments that make it all worth it.  These are the moments that make 1,000 miles feel like a tremendous gift rather than a tedious chore.

And my gratitude for this significant reward is made sweeter by its unexpected timing.  I have a sense of satisfaction that is hard to calculate...so much so that I am positive that I would not have relished this achievement had I formally planned for it- I’d be too busy planning my next, bigger goal to celebrate.  It’s just my nature.  But not today.  Today I take a moment to reflect on my 1,000 mile journey, count my blessings, recognize my supportive family, and do a little happy dance while marveling at my thousand milestones.

And tomorrow I run again.

Back to School: Organizing the (In)Sanity for Kids and Parents

School supplies: check.  New clothes: check.  Finding out teacher assignments and seeing friends after a long summer: check.  Ready to learn: well...

Photo Credit: Digitalphotonut

It’s taken me more than a couple years of being a mom and going through the back-to-school routine to realize that preparing and organizing to go back to school is more than just filling a backpack with supplies and wearing some of the latest fashions.  In fact, it’s much more.  While some kids look forward with anticipation to the new classroom, new teacher, and new challenges, others are filled with angst about settling into a new environment , anxiety about whether their teacher will be approachable or intimidating, and fear about not being able to learn the information.

Take my oldest, for example.  He struggled quite a bit in third grade- not with the actual curriculum as much as with the “dynamic” (which in his case was a euphemism for “inconsistent”) classroom format of teaching.  He does not do well with change...and as a result of being forced to adapt to ongoing changes- and being in a perpetual state of being frustrated and feeling lost- came to the conclusion that he can’t “do” school.  He absolutely can, but he internalized his inability to keep up with the changes as an ineptitude for school.  (Insert exasperated sigh) Who says motherhood and parenting get easier as kids get older?  

I talked to his teacher- her solution was to sit down with him once or twice to help him organize the notebook he uses in class.  I talked to the school counselor (since his deflating self confidence was carrying over into his social interactions)- her solution was to sit down with him and help him organize his notebook...differently.  I did my best from home to help him be consistent with his homework schedule and where he put his completed work (which, more often than not, he didn’t turn in).  And while I emailed his teacher regularly, I just didn’t feel he was getting the support he needed.  At the same time, he was getting to an age where too much coddling and too accommodating can perpetuate his feeling of incompetence, which would surely contribute to his declining self esteem.  And this was only THIRD grade!  

So, while I will be the first to admit that I’m breathing a sigh of relief now that summer is over, I have carried a certain hesitation going into this next school year.  I keep asking myself, “How can I help him get/stay organized?”.  Then it occurred to me that no one was actually teaching him the skills on how to be organized; they were just telling him where to put things.  He needed to understand how to organize his thoughts first so that he could organize his actions.   

The saying, “A goal without a plan is just a wish” has never made more sense to me.  

He needed a plan for getting organized that he could apply to any challenge or situation, no matter where he was.  Here’s what I came up with:

It’s pretty self explanatory, but basically, it’s all about being prepared so that you have the best possible chances for success.  And who doesn’t want to be successful?  It’s simple enough to be able remember and understand, and flexible enough to apply to most situations.  And best of all, it makes him feel in control of the situation.

We’ve revisited this a few times together when frustration levels begin to escalate and have found that it helps diffuse the situation and bring the focus back to the task at hand.  We also followed up our introduction of this concept with a labeling gun session where we labeled important things in his environment to help make life, well, more organized- like where to put shoes, his soccer gear, his homework pencils, and other things he often loses that contribute to his (and my) frustration insanity.

So far he’s more organized, and I’m more sane, so I call that success!  And it applies to more than just life with kids- my husband and I have even found ourselves putting these specific ideas into practice outside of being parents when we are feeling overwhelmed.  And, you know what?  It helps!  Give it a try next time you feel insanity taking over.  

What back to school tips and ideas do you have for making the transition smoother for everyone?

Musings on Mommy Burnout

All the signs were there...I was dreading getting out of bed in the morning, knowing what the day would bring.  I had become complacent about things I should have cared about.  I had given up trying to do things the right way and settled for just getting by doing things the easy way.  I just couldn’t find the fight, energy or excitement in me.  I was burned out.

Photo: Thorsten

 So often we think of “burnout” in terms of career (okay, paid) jobs.  Who is to say that the long hours, constant stress in the form of whining, arguing and interrupting, and an ongoing demand for unrealistic productivity and attention isn’t cause for burnout in moms?  We can’t “leave it at the office”, drop a problematic client (or just ignore them), take a mental health or sick day, or decide to quit our jobs.  I am responsible for keeping my family going.  

I know (thanks to my guilty mom voice) that it should be enough to have such an amazing family.  I should feel blessed to have a husband that loves me, kids that are healthy, a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and our safety and security.  AND I DO.  But when your “career” is to GIVE of yourself all.the.time. burnout is a real risk, even for the strongest of moms.  Let’s face it, cleaning the pee off the toilet six times a day is not what I envisioned myself doing when I accepted the privilege to stay at home.

So now what?  Here’s what helped me:

Hello again!

I’ve missed you.  I’ve missed writing.  I’ve missed being in this space where I get so much needed perspective on motherhood and the insanity of life!  But...I’m back.

After the last few months of being a semi-single mom of four (as the wife of a tax accountant, which happens every spring and fall), surviving the terrible three’s times two (by the way, when did it also become the terrible eights and nines?), and helping take care of my mother in law trying to hold her ground with metastasized breast cancer, I just didn’t have much in me to offer to my blog. 

Photo: Cristian Nitu

What I know now is that writing and my blog was the ONE thing that could have helped ease the stress by keeping so much of it in perspective.  And now that I’ve been reminded of that, I hope to carry it forward.  In the mean time, I have brain full of musings that are looking for a home :)

You may have noticed that I also took this opportunity to freshen up my blog.  While I liked the darkness because I felt like it represented a view into my consciousness, I’ve decided a lighter, more uplifting feel might be more appropriate.  I still feel like it’s missing something, what do you think?

Anyway, enough about me.  How have you been?

Under the Weather

Absolutely, without question, one of the hardest parts of being a mom is when your child is sick. (Actually, the even harder part is being a sick mom, but that’s another story).

As moms we are programmed to become ultra-nurturing, extra protective and usually hyper-sensitive to symptoms when our little ones are feeling under the weather. After all, it’s our job to take care of them, and they need us more than ever when they’re sick. And I don’t mean a runny nose or daycare cough kind of sick...I mean fever-bearing, curled up on the couch just wanting to be held kind of sick.

It’s exhausting as a parent, especially when being nursemaid means getting up throughout the night for several days to give medicine and comfort. Not to mention having to tend to other kids.  So much so, that I am seriously questioning what state of mind I must have been in during the first year with twins...I guess the good news is that I don’t remember most of it (my body’s defense mechanism, I’m sure).

Anyway, all this pondering about illness made me wonder where the expression “under the weather” came from and what it’s supposed to mean. Here are some of the definitions I found:


under the weather
1. Somewhat indisposed; slightly ill.
2. Slang
     a. Intoxicated; drunk.
     b. Suffering from a hangover.


Under the Weather
'This popular phrase for "ill" dates back to 1827. It is commonly believed that bad weather can make you sick. One opinion about this idiom is that "under the weather" is an old sailor phrase used when men on a ship were sick, they would rest below “the weather [main] deck” and thus were literally "under" the weather on deck.'


Under the Weather
'When it's gray and rainy out, does that affect how you feel? This expression comes from the idea that bad weather might hurt a person's health and mood. The saying also may be related to "under the weather bow," the part of a boat that will take the force of rough seas during stormy weather. If you were in that part of the boat, you might get seasick!'

There is obvious reference here to being sick on a ship, but I’m still not clear if that’s seasickness or intoxication...? In our case, neither applies, but if we’re going to be sick at least we can learn something from it, right? (I mean something other than self diagnosing some terminal illness thanks to Google).

That concludes today’s lesson. Any questions?

5 Reasons To Go For A Run In The Cold

Okay, here’s my disclaimer: I live in Southern California and I don’t know real cold compared to other parts of the country. BUT, I am an early morning runner and run regularly in temperatures from the mid-30’s on up. So, I’m kind of qualified to make this post. Here goes...


5. Don't over think it.  Stop trying to find a logical reason for running in the cold. You will have much more success if you absolutely refuse to think about. Sure, it takes discipline to get out the door, but it takes as much, if not more, discipline to keep your left brain out of it. You’re going. Period. Do what you have to do to get out the door.


4. Schedule it. Why? Because you will always find something better to do than run in the cold. See #5. The more you can make it a habit, the easier it is to find the discipline. Don’t expect to “find” the time- you won’t; you must “make” the time.

3. The views are spectacular. Seriously, weather always makes for something interesting to look at. Whether it’s the glistening of ice on rooftops, the brilliant sunrise/sunset, or the sights and sounds of winter, you can find inspiration from the world around you. For me, it’s the silhouette of the mountains in the distance contrasted with the sunrise in the early morning. Some days I’m lucky enough to watch the moon set simultaneously. And, yes, some mornings THIS is what gets me out the door. It’s peaceful, beautiful and refreshing to see life from the perspective of my own moving feet.


2. The colder it is, the faster you will go. I’m not sure this is a scientific theory, but it’s been my experience. You are anxious to get to the point of not being freezing and the only way to accomplish that is to break a sweat (just be sure you are not wearing anything cotton). And, once you’re out there, the sooner you get back, the sooner you find warmth; it’s a good incentive when you need it to be.  Likewise, (and maybe equally unscientific) is that I always feel like I burn more calories in the cold because my body is working extra hard to keep warm.  And it's pretty darn cool to create your own steam cloud when you're done- kinda makes me feel superheroish.


1. It’s impossible to be tired and cold at the same time. Again, not sure about the science behind this statement, but I’m speaking from experience. Cold air wakes up the senses. If your excuse to not run is the because you're too tired, then turn that excuse into your reason to run! You will feel more awake after a good run in the cold.  I have yet to regret going for a run.  Ever.  But have many times regretted not going.  Don't let the cold keep you from being the athlete you want to be.

A couple additional pieces of advice. Dress appropriately. I wear gloves, a hat and make sure to double (and sometimes triple) up on layers, especially around my core. For those of you in “real” weather, here are some more good tips. If it’s dark, be sure to wear reflective gear (I have an arm band I can easily strap on to be visible to unsuspecting drivers). From a safety standpoint, it’s always a good idea to run against traffic and off the road, and stay aware of the cars and people around you. If you’re a female (and even if you’re not), take a self defense class regularly and carry pepper spray and your phone. And, lastly, be sure to tell someone your route before you leave, and try to vary that often.

And for those of you who still aren’t convinced it’s worth running in the cold, don’t worry, the there’s always the heat and humidity to look forward to. :) Happy running!

Getting My App Kicked

So, I finally joined the smartphone revolution and invested in an iPhone. I had a Blackberry but apparently I wasn’t smart enough to really figure out the features of my smartphone. Now that I have an iPhone, I have a new appreciation for simple technology (or technology that is so brilliantly complex that the user THINKS it’s simple).

Originally, this post was going to be about the process of going through my old phone and transferring my phonebook. I had intentions of reflecting on all the phone numbers of friends I have been too busy to call and haven’t talked to in too long...phone numbers of parents from a school we have outgrown...phone numbers of people who have moved and with whom I’ve lost touch. And then there are the staple phone numbers of the people I love and depend on, and people, like parents, I don’t call often enough.  It's all a very poignant analogy for how motherhood and life with kids keeps us so busy sometimes that we forget to make the time for things that matter most- like family and friends.

But, then I got distracted. That’s been happening a lot since I got my iPhone. It’s not the phone...it’s the apps. I loved shopping apps and of course couldn’t resist downloading free app after free app.

The problem? I spend most of my precious free minutes here and there playing apps instead of letting my mind wander...processing thoughts...and looking up to take in the world around me. And while I do find solving a hard puzzle very rewarding, it’s not exactly relaxing (why do I insist on frustrating myself to feel that moment of victory?). I probably should be using those moments to do something like read...but that can be equally frustrating when I only get to read in increments of paragraphs instead of pages. And most books don’t fit in my pocket. Or, perhaps, my time would be better spent enjoying the quiet peace.

Ironic how using a device that's designed to make things more convenient causes me to waste my time. And how something that’s designed to be simple seems to be making life a little more complicated. I’m feeling a little conflicted about it all....is it a good thing or a bad thing?

The Ironies of the Holidays

It’s true that Christmas is a magical holiday...but it’s also a stressful one. In an effort to balance the stress imposed by the holidays with providing the “magic” for the kids’ sake, I’m keeping a perspective on the ironies that create this state of holiday craziness.

** I spend 20 minutes circling for a parking space, trying to get in to the store. When I try to leave, I’m stuck in my parking space for another 10, blocked by a car who is stalking someone walking down the aisle. They won’t pull forward for fear that they will miss a parking opportunity and can’t back up because the person behind them has already “claimed” my spot with their signal.

** Forget gift wrapping- what about gift UNwrapping? I’m not interested in paying for gift wrapping when I buy something online, but I WOULD consider paying extra to ship the item in a plain box so that when UPS rings the doorbell and the kids rush the front door to see who it is, they are not witnessing their gifts being delivered.

** With winter weather in southern California (or lack thereof), our kids are forced to skate on synthetic (plastic) ice. To me, this epitomizes so much of what’s wrong with how we celebrate the holidays.

** Every time we make it a point to load up the kids for a fun family tour of Christmas lights, the minute we are stuck in a long line of cars, SOMEone is sure to announce they have to go to the bathroom and it CAN’T wait. Why is it that so many of our well-intentioned family outings become centered around finding bathrooms...?

** We teach our kids that this is the spirit of generosity...and then have them fill out a Christmas list with all the things they want. Next year my kids are making a Christmas list of things they plan to GIVE instead of what they want to RECEIVE.

** Christmas songs are less for entertainment and more for the purpose of reminding us of what we are celebrating and why. We need to sing more.

** With two weeks off of school, the phrase “winter break” takes on a different meaning for kids and parents.

** We go to great lengths to reinforce the importance of being “good” to our children (including honesty, right?)...and reward them with gifts left by a fictional character that we’ve propagated as being real.

** We teach our kids about stranger danger, encourage them not to talk to strangers and scare the daylights out of them about getting within reach of them...and yet this one time of year we force our kids to sit on a perfect stranger’s lap, have a conversation and smile for a picture. It’s no wonder they are so freaked out!

** We wish everyone a “healthy” and “prosperous” new year, and yet most of us have been binging on holiday treats and cookies and over-spending money we don’t have on gifts. Maybe we should wish these things to the people we care about BEFORE the holidays.

So, I wish all of you a patient, generous, fun, well-behaved, portion-controlled, debt-lowering, genuine and meaningful Christmas with the people you know and love.

My Daily Tally

Photo: healingdream

Ever wonder what it’s like having four children? Here’s an account of my daily life summarized in numbers.

ONE+ gallon/s of milk consumed each day
TWO loads of dishes
THREE loads of laundry
FOUR* the multiple of time by which every task takes (5 minute task x 4 to account for the constant interruption of life)
FIVE o’clock am is the time I wake up every day
SIX cups of coffee (according to the coffee pot; according to my giant cup, it’s only two :)
SEVEN thirty bedtime (a quiet house by 8pm)
EIGHT slices of bread eaten in a day (or more)
NINE sibling spats I have to referee
TEN times I clean or wipe the toilet down (and surrounding areas) from 3 distracted boys...

And yet, most days I wouldn't change a thing. And for those days when I forget what a gift motherhood is, I remind myself of the story I read about a mom of young kids who was struck with cancer and was heartbroken because she was incapable of tending the her children and doing things like changing diapers and cleaning toilets. It's not the most glamorous job in the world, but doing these things for the people we love makes us feel whole as mothers.  Wouldn't you agree?

Blogging About Blogging

I can’t be the only one...my husband thinks I’m mildly obsessed with blogging, but he forgets that part of my paid job is to blog. And just because I’m on the computer doesn’t mean I’m blogging...(although he doesn’t need to know that I’d do it more if I could). I do, however, find a much needed outlet in writing and truly part of my motivation is to complete my constantly interrupted thoughts throughout the day.  I'm convinced this is why there are so many mom bloggers- have you ever tried to have a conversation on the phone with 2-4 kids yelling for you (and at each other) and climbing all over you? And I find that taking the time to reflect on life and motherhood really does help put it into perspective and gives it more meaning. More meaning leads to feeling more fulfilled and that leads to greater contentment with it all. What can I say, blogging is my happy place.

Never the less, he’s given himself the title of “blog widower”. He jokes that he’s going to start a blog for husbands who have lost their wives to blogging. Seriously, I think he’s on to something. What do you think?