It was down to the third quarter of a close game; the score was 0-1. The boys were tired from giving it their all and playing in the hot afternoon sun. Half time was almost over and it was time for a pep talk. Coach huddled the team up and did his best to convince them to dig deep. After all, they were only one point behind the league’s fiercest opponent, and giving up now would mean giving them victory. As coach rattled off their field assignments, he sent the boys out to claim their territory, which they all did with unwavering determination. Except one kid. He was pouting because he didn’t want to play in the position that coach had assigned to him.
He moped onto the field and just before the whistle blew to start the quarter he broke down crying. Now, I understand that he REALLY wanted to play a different position, but part of playing on a team means you play your best, no matter where the coach puts you. This kid defiantly crossed his arms and hung his head in disappointment, tears streaming, as coach pulled him off the field and hustled in a replacement.
The child’s frustration turned into anger as he sat down in protest at the sideline. Coach gave his best “I understand you don’t want to play that position, but that’s where the team needs you” speech but it fell on deaf ears. Instead, he got an earful in return from an eight year old about how much he hates that position, hates soccer and isn’t having fun!
Now, if that were my kid, I wouldn’t have hesitated to pull him aside, calm him down and make him apologize to his coach. After all, what good is he to the team if he refuses to listen to the coach? It was unquestionably a teachable moment.
So I was shocked to see his mom crouch down be side him, comfort him, then proceed to angrily question the coach, “Why isn’t he playing?!”. Coach tried to calmly and patiently (while also trying to coach a game) explain to her that her son had refused to play in the position he was given. Now, let me just say, that I understand as a mother the intense desire to protect your child; to ensure their happiness and rescue them from their frustrations. I GET THAT. But this was one of those important character-building opportunities to teach her son- if not by example- how to deal with life’s disappointments.
Instead of turning to her son and helping him see the value of being part of a team and the importance of listening to the coach, the mom stood up and raised her voice to the coach, and demanding an answer, shouted, “Why can’t he just play in the position he wants to play in?!”. Like son, like mother. Really? That’s what you want to teach your child? Throw a tantrum and get your way. Who cares about the team or the authority of a coach? You’re going to prevent the coach from coaching because you think your son is the only thing that matters right now? What about the other seven kids on the field- including mine- who are tired and playing their hearts out. Take a seat, lady, this is not the time nor the place.
At first I was slightly horrified and really irritated by this situation (can you tell?). After all, the coach is a volunteer, is great with the kids and has done a phenomenal job. (I later made it a point of telling him that). I find it really unfortunate that this woman was teaching her son that when you don’t get your way, throwing a tantrum and disrespecting authority is perfectly acceptable. And then it occurred to me...outside of soccer, SHE is this child’s authority. So, while she may not have recognized it in this soccer moment, I’m sure the day will come (probably after years of therapy) when she realizes that she is, in effect, teaching her son to defy HER. And, suddenly, I found peace with it all.
