It
turns out that your body isn’t the only thing that goes when you have
kids; your wardrobe suffers a similar fate. Or at least mine did after I
quit work to be an at home mom. Now that I’m in the boat of ramping up
my “work” wardrobe again, I’ve made the horrific discovery that for the
last several years I may have been wearing “mom jeans”...
Here are the top 10 signs I found:
1. You have to poke new holes in your ears to wear pierced earrings for a special occasion (because it’s been that long...)
2. You have flip flop tan lines on your feet
3.
You can’t remember how to style your hair in anything other than a
functional ponytail (and your favorite accessory is a hat)
4.
Your elementary school kids are telling you what’s in style now
(...and it’s the same thing that was in style when you were in middle
school - just to add to the humility)
5.
You walk like a drunken sailor in anything higher than a two inch
wedge (have you seen how high some of the heels are these days???)
6.
More of your clothes than not have some kind of permanent stain on
them- which are the clothes you actually prefer to wear...why keep
ruining good ones?
7.
You still have clothes from before you had kids, but there’s no way
they would still fit (but you keep them anyway as a “reminder”)
8.
You haven’t updated your make up in years- as opposed to the
recommended every 6 months- because you can’t possibly use it up that
fast
9.
You have a “go-to” outfit for each special occasion: a dress for
weddings, a dress for your husband’s work parties, a stain-free outfit
for nights out, etc...
10.
And...you only need a fraction of the closet space you used to need
before being a mom...but require an extra drawer in the dresser for your
wardrobe of jeans. The
good news? I double checked to make sure none of my jeans button above
my waist and I’m good (probably just in time for that totally
unflattering style to return...). And, while I’ve never been a big fan
of latte-fueled, hours-long shopping excursions at the mall, I’m
thinking some kid-free time buying clothes to actually hang in my closet
may be the perfect antidote for my “mom jeans” blues.
What about you- have you kept your wardrobe up to date...or shall we go shopping?
The
way I see it, most of us parents out there fall into three categories
when it comes to supervising our kids on the playground. We can be 1)
overprotective, 2) over permissive, 3) somewhere in between. And, just
as the kids are quick to size up potential playmates, parents are quick
to size up each other on the playground. He’s totally fixated on his phone and not even watching his kid who’s throwing rocks, She’s hovering over her child like a hawk and won’t even let her play on the structure...
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| Photo: Roughcollie |
I
am an “in between” parent (or at least I think I am). Many of our
park excursions with the overprotective parent result in my child either
somehow making the other child cry (usually by accident), or teaching
them some undesirable behavior/words/other means of problem solving.
They’re kids, they’re still figuring stuff out. Conversely, when we
encounter children of over permissive parents I have to run double duty
to make sure my kids don’t enthusiastically follow theirs out of sight
or mimic them jumping off the top of the play structure. I
have to admit, however, that I’ve been both. And because of that I try
not to judge. Like when we went to the park a few days ago. My kids
were pretending they were on a pirate ship, and when a newcomer came
aboard he was met with loud, hostile “pirates” (my 3 year old son and
daughter, plus one other). Before I could intervene and remind them
that the structure was for everyone, the dad of the new child called my kids “brats”,
instructed his kid to call my kids “brats”, and then removed his child
from the play structure to play somewhere else. So
my kids followed him. There are a couple other things worth
mentioning. The boy was the same age (three) as my son and sporting a
cap gun (which my son thought was the coolest thing ever). And the dad
looked stereotypically gangster-ish with his attire and tattoos, and
the way he carried himself. After my son apologized to the other boy,
the kids got over it and played happily together for the better part of
an hour. I
could have been passive and let it go, knowing the problem had been
resolved without my involvement. Or, I could have been overprotective and
addressed this man for calling my kids “brats” unjustly. But I could
tell this dad was out of his comfort zone and he was defending his kid the best way
he knew how. Putting my stereotypes aside, I befriended him. I
explained that my child wasn’t trying to be mean, he was just playing
“pirate”. I also mentioned that my son was the same age (since he’s
often mistaken for a five year old because of his size), and, like all
three year olds, was still learning to play cooperatively. Before you
knew it, the dad relaxed, was equally friendly and the kids had a lot of
fun together.And,
while I think that dad will probably continue to be overprotective and
rescue his little guy in these types of situations, hopefully he can
appreciate that sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding, and not meant to be personal.
And, maybe, just maybe, he left the park that day feeling a little
less judgemental about stereotypes...like the “suburban stay at home mom”.
I know I did.What kind of playground parent are you and how has that shaped your experience with others?
All
the signs were there...I was dreading getting out of bed in the
morning, knowing what the day would bring. I had become complacent
about things I should have cared about. I had given up trying to do
things the right way and settled for just getting by doing things the
easy way. I just couldn’t find the fight, energy or excitement in me. I was burned out.
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| Photo: Thorsten |
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So often we think of “burnout” in terms of career (okay, paid)
jobs. Who is to say that the long hours, constant stress in the form of
whining, arguing and interrupting, and an ongoing demand for unrealistic
productivity and attention isn’t cause for burnout in moms? We can’t
“leave it at the office”, drop a problematic client (or just ignore
them), take a mental health or sick day, or decide to quit our jobs. I
am responsible for keeping my family going.
I
know (thanks to my guilty mom voice) that it should be enough to have
such an amazing family. I should feel blessed to have a husband that
loves me, kids that are healthy, a roof over our heads, food in our
bellies, and our safety and security. AND I DO. But when your “career”
is to GIVE of yourself all.the.time. burnout is a real risk, even for
the strongest of moms. Let’s face it, cleaning the pee off the toilet
six times a day is not what I envisioned myself doing when I accepted
the privilege to stay at home.
So now what? Here’s what helped me:
I’ve
missed you. I’ve missed writing. I’ve missed being in this space
where I get so much needed perspective on motherhood and the insanity of
life! But...I’m back.
After
the last few months of being a semi-single mom of four (as the wife of a
tax accountant, which happens every spring and fall), surviving the
terrible three’s times two (by the way, when did it also become the
terrible eights and nines?), and helping take care of my mother in law
trying to hold her ground with metastasized breast cancer, I just didn’t
have much in me to offer to my blog.
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| Photo: Cristian Nitu |
What
I know now is that writing and my blog was the ONE thing that could
have helped ease the stress by keeping so much of it in perspective.
And now that I’ve been reminded of that, I hope to carry it forward.
In the mean time, I have brain full of musings that are looking for a
home :)
You
may have noticed that I also took this opportunity to freshen up my
blog. While I liked the darkness because I felt like it represented a
view into my consciousness, I’ve decided a lighter, more uplifting feel
might be more appropriate. I still feel like it’s missing something,
what do you think?
Anyway, enough about me. How have you been?
