When You Give A Mom A Flat Screen TV

When you give a mom a flat screen, she’s going to want to have more seating to enjoy it.  And when she gets rid of the old entertainment center, she’s going to realize that she still needs a cabinet to house the electronics and dvd’s.  Then she’s going to want to go furniture shopping.  And when she goes shopping for a new couch and cabinet, her husband will hit her up for a recliner.  When she reluctantly agrees to the recliner, he will hit her up for a LOVESEAT recliner (because he LOVES her).  When she agrees to the loveseat recliner, she knows that the old chair that will be left in the room needs replacing.  So she’ll shop for a new chair.  That reclines.  

Photo: Robert Lerich

 When she settles on the furniture, she remembers that the paint in the living room is ten years old and needs updating.  And when she removes the decor for painting, she’ll want to update that, too.  But before she begins to paint, she realizes that the ceiling will look dingy if the walls are painted and not the ceiling, so she’ll paint that first.  Then she’ll paint the walls, window sills, doors and baseboards.  And, as she’s painting, she’ll have to keep touching up the walls as she jockeys the ladder around a small room full of furniture and four kids who want to enjoy their new flat screen tv.  That’s when she remembers she has four kids and a new flat screen tv.  And when she sits down to enjoy them, she looks into the connecting dining room and starts envisioning new paint colors and decor...

The Art of Motherhood, Sales and Negotiations

I will never forget my first car buying experience.  I was getting ready to graduate college, was starting to interview for my first “professional” job and my car at the time was 17 years old.  It was time.  I enthusiastically wound my way through the maze of shiny cars at the Toyota dealership like a kid searching through presents on Christmas morning as I was approached by a salesperson.  We had the standard exchange of “What are you looking for?” to which I replied that I wasn’t quite sure yet but wanted to find out my options.  I knew I wanted a Toyota or a Honda but that was about it.  I was giving him a golden opportunity at that moment.

Photo credit: Yunhao Zhang

I inquired about the price of the first vehicle I encountered.  His response?  “Do you even know how much this car costs?”  Uh, no, obviously.  And now I felt like an idiot (it turned out that was a high end Toyota Avalon).  The point here is that I left the dealership within minutes after that, went directly to the Honda dealership and drove off hours later in a brand new Accord.  Oh, and I told everyone I knew where NOT to buy a Toyota.

Let’s be honest- when you think “salesperson” you automatically recall your worse sales experience and conjure up images of a fast talking, aggressive, obnoxious- if not offensive- person relentlessly following you around as you try your best to politely decline a conversation about how much you need their amazing product or service.  No one likes being “sold” to.

Interestingly, when I reflect on my experiences as a consumer, I realize that those really positive experiences with salespeople are harder to pinpoint.  Why?  Because I didn’t feel like I was being sold; I wasn’t being convinced that I wanted something I didn’t need, but rather had guidance finding something that was right for me.  It didn’t feel like a sales experience, it felt like a win-win negotiation.  Which is the way I think we all prefer it.

The truth is, we are all “salespeople”.  As mothers, we pitch ideas to our kids all the time, then we negotiate until we feel mutually satisfied with the outcome (or one of us goes to time out).  Even in those moments, we are exchanging thoughts and ideas, listening and learning from that interaction, and negotiating and empowering our children to make their own decisions.  Remember this post about getting my strong-willed daughter to finally decide to pick up her puzzle pieces?  Being a mom is the best on-the-job sales training experience there is.  And we learn the value of being consistent, efficient and opportunistic, as well as the importance of not just educating, but understanding what's important to the other person.

And it’s not just motherhood that utilizes selling skills- they are the foundation for most of our interactions in life.  Think about it...we use them in our marriages, when we date, when we interview for jobs, when we interact with peers, when we teach, when we post to Facebook, and every time we interact with other people.  Even as a consumer.  We are our own sales representative, and we all are our own unique brand.  

Photo credit: Wilfred Stanley Sussenbach

Which means, like it or not, we are ALL salespeople.  And life is a series of negotiations.  It's just a matter of what we're willing to learn and how we choose to apply our skills.

What are your thoughts?

Top 10 Signs You May Be Wearing "Mom Jeans"...

It turns out that your body isn’t the only thing that goes when you have kids; your wardrobe suffers a similar fate.  Or at least mine did after I quit work to be an at home mom.  Now that I’m in the boat of ramping up my “work” wardrobe again, I’ve made the horrific discovery that for the last several years I may have been wearing “mom jeans”...  

Photo: Missjelena

Here are the top 10 signs I found:

1.  You have to poke new holes in your ears to wear pierced earrings for a special occasion (because it’s been that long...)

2.  You have flip flop tan lines on your feet

3.  You can’t remember how to style your hair in anything other than a functional ponytail (and your favorite accessory is a hat)

4.  Your elementary school kids are telling you what’s in style now (...and it’s the same thing that was in style when you were in middle school - just to add to the humility)

5.  You walk like a drunken sailor in anything higher than a two inch wedge (have you seen how high some of the heels are these days???)

6.  More of your clothes than not have some kind of permanent stain on them- which are the clothes you actually prefer to wear...why keep ruining good ones?

7.  You still have clothes from before you had kids, but there’s no way they would still fit (but you keep them anyway as a “reminder”)

8.  You haven’t updated your make up in years- as opposed to the recommended every 6 months- because you can’t possibly use it up that fast

9.  You have a “go-to” outfit for each special occasion: a dress for weddings, a dress for your husband’s work parties, a stain-free outfit for nights out, etc...

10.  And...you only need a fraction of the closet space you used to need before being a mom...but require an extra drawer in the dresser for your wardrobe of jeans.    

The good news?  I double checked to make sure none of my jeans button above my waist and I’m good (probably just in time for that totally unflattering style to return...).  And, while I’ve never been a big fan of latte-fueled, hours-long shopping excursions at the mall, I’m thinking some kid-free time buying clothes to actually hang in my closet may be the perfect antidote for my “mom jeans” blues.  


What about you- have you kept your wardrobe up to date...or shall we go shopping?

Musings on Playground Judgement

The way I see it, most of us parents out there fall into three categories when it comes to supervising our kids on the playground.  We can be 1) overprotective, 2) over permissive, 3) somewhere in between.  And, just as the kids are quick to size up potential playmates, parents are quick to size up each other on the playground.  He’s totally fixated on his phone and not even watching his kid who’s throwing rocks, She’s hovering over her child like a hawk and won’t even let her play on the structure...

Photo: Roughcollie

I am an “in between” parent (or at least I think I am).   Many of our park excursions with the overprotective parent result in my child either somehow making the other child cry (usually by accident), or teaching them some undesirable behavior/words/other means of problem solving.  They’re kids, they’re still figuring stuff out.  Conversely, when we encounter children of over permissive parents I have to run double duty to make sure my kids don’t enthusiastically follow theirs out of sight or mimic them jumping off the top of the play structure.  

I have to admit, however, that I’ve been both.  And because of that I try not to judge.  Like when we went to the park a few days ago.  My kids were pretending they were on a pirate ship, and when a newcomer came aboard he was met with loud, hostile “pirates” (my 3 year old son and daughter, plus one other).  Before I could intervene and remind them that the structure was for everyone, the dad of the new child called my kids “brats”, instructed his kid to call my kids “brats”, and then removed his child from the play structure to play somewhere else.  

So my kids followed him.  There are a couple other things worth mentioning.  The boy was the same age (three) as my son and sporting a cap gun (which my son thought was the coolest thing ever).   And the dad looked stereotypically gangster-ish with his attire and tattoos, and the way he carried himself.  After my son apologized to the other boy, the kids got over it and played happily together for the better part of an hour.

I could have been passive and let it go, knowing the problem had been resolved without my involvement.  Or, I could have been overprotective and addressed this man for calling my kids “brats” unjustly.  But I could tell this dad was out of his comfort zone and he was defending his kid the best way he knew how.  Putting my stereotypes aside, I befriended him.  I explained that my child wasn’t trying to be mean, he was just playing “pirate”.  I also mentioned that my son was the same age (since he’s often mistaken for a five year old because of his size), and, like all three year olds, was still learning to play cooperatively.  Before you knew it, the dad relaxed, was equally friendly and the kids had a lot of fun together.

And, while I think that dad will probably continue to be overprotective and rescue his little guy in these types of situations, hopefully he can appreciate that sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding, and not meant to be personal.  And, maybe, just maybe, he left the park that day feeling a little less judgemental about stereotypes...like the “suburban stay at home mom”.  I know I did.

What kind of playground parent are you and how has that shaped your experience with others?